Everyday Susa

I don't know when the mommy light clicked on for me. The minute I truly realized that I was someone's mom. In fact, some days that light is so dim I barely notice it. There are days when Lando is happy and there are plenty of people to entertain him, where my maternal duties are just the ordinary ones that I forget to notice. There are also harder days, days where every hour is another reminder of the exhausting responsibility I carry. When they put my burrito of a newborn on my chest, I was terrified. Petrified. If I had been able to run, I just might have. If there had been a put baby back inside for a day button I might have selected it. There was no such button and I couldn't run (downside of a C section), so I went through the motions. And I kept on going through the motions. Feed baby. Change baby. Feed, feed, feed, feed baby.  Let baby sleep on me as I did homework. More feeding, more sleeping, another change. I had the motions down, and the motions were easy.

"Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start!" Am I the only one who is singing that with Julie Andrews' sweet voice in my head? Probably. But the beginning. the beginning of Lando, the man cub.  Well, not the very beginning. Obviously, he was made and then I, the brave tribute, gestated him for nine months whilst making lattes and writing papers. Oh my maternal heroics.  Look! Belly! Baby!  Lando emerged into the brightly lit world...not by the original delivery path. My firstborne babe arrived via C section. He was the healthiest C section baby there ever was. An APGAR that *just* missed being 10, a vibrant cry, a strong, intense latch--a dream first baby.  A professional collage for your enjoyment. My dreamy baby was a C section, that procedure that women fear and pray they'll avoid. There are some who claim that carrying a baby in your body for nine (or less) months, then having your organs cut and (even removed