2021: Pivot, Expectation Management, and just an OCONUS PCS

 It started out demurely, this year. 

I had low expectations, or so I thought. 

We survive the winter and the sunshine will blaze once more. 

I bought a planner, still sprouting vestiges of hope that is more on-brand for 2019 than The Year That Shall Not Be Named.

And then, on the fourth day of January, 12 hours before my children were supposed to go back to school and preschool, the Great Pivot hit. Lockdown 3.0 for England. Now I stare at the calendar darkly, laughing at the Susie who hoped and prayed that she would at least have six remaining months in 2021 free to explore. 

OCONUS  tours are supposed to be difficult. They are supposed to be stressful, chaotic, exciting, new, rife with homesickness and cultural shock, and filled to the brim with adventure and exploration. I was ready for that - in 2019, 2020, and 2021, after being taken aback in 2017 and falling in love with the experience in 2018. 

This was not the experience we expected. This quiet sitting at home, a home I did not pick with a year plus of lockdowns, stay at home orders, tier changes, and surprise homeschooling (AGAIN) in mind.

Yes, we are homeschooling, again. This time, with an entire 12 hours to plan. I don't mind homeschooling my children. It's a natural progression from my childhood, and the options nowadays are endless. Except homeschooling takes research, time, and planning, none of which I've been afforded in these lockdown homeschooling experiences. When I asked God to give me more projects this year and pondered homeschooling in the same breath, I didn't mean homeschooling my kids NOW through an English winter lockdown. And God laughed. ;)

I hate English winters in all their Dickensian gloom and chill, but I'm also relishing this last one the way a mother relishes her last child in all its spoiled wildness. 

I'm still excited for Spring. For the idea of seeing more of the UK and eventually seeing bits more of Europe proper. The countdown to our last busy six months here and England reopening threatens to collide at breakneck speeds, and I'm filled with a cacophony of emotion.

Excitement - because I miss the ease, accessibility, and comforts of life in the United States.

Joy - because I miss the dear people who made and poured themselves into me for the first 26 years of my life; I miss being close enough to drive 12 hours to see them. 

FOMO - because I know now better than ever the untapped riches of experience Europe has to offer, AND, most helpfully, how to access those experiences. (That was the issue at first.)

Sadness - because the English countryside has imprinted itself indelibly on my heart and life and I'm better off for those experiences. 

Regret - for the experiences left undiscovered during these lockdowns, the trips planned and cancelled, the dreams never birthed. 

I don't write these words to bemoan or complain about my life. It's filled with dear people, beautiful places, and is a life richly lived. Instead, I write them as a gentle warning of sorts. Because, readers, if you ask me at the end of this year just how our time in England was, be prepared for an upchuck of feelings and garbled sentences about lockdowns and the four walls of my house to spill out first. The rest of the stories will come in time, but the recently lived upset expectations will come first.

And really, that's been the theme of this tour: resetting expectations. Initially, for how dark and lonely it was. Then, for how anxiety-inducing, time-consuming, and yes, still relatively expensive travel and exploration were. And finally, for how little of our time here was actually ours to choose to use how we pleased.

So here we are. Nine months until our DEROS. Two more months of lockdown. Another month or two (please, God, no) of restrictive tiers. A summer filled with school finishing - British school ends in late July. Trips, if we can manage them. A new assignment dropping, which means a new home and school search. Decluttering, out processing, and still working our actual jobs.

Expectation management. It's going to be wild. 

Before you ask...

No, we don't know where we're going. Yes, we have preferences. No, the needs of the Air Force probably won't match our preferences. Yes, we'd love to see you when we're visiting our families this year. Yes, the kids know. Yes, they'll be sad. No, we really don't know where we're going. Yes, we will make an obnoxious social media post when we know. Yes, we'd consider another OCONUS assignment later on, but not this time.